Quote of the day

Priceless insight from Hobbes, my favourite stuff tiger.

"Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous."

Felt like this was appropriate for this collection of priceless ignorance.

Another late night marking gem

Question: How would you recognize a Trumpeter Hornbill?


Student answer: 'It is easy to recognize it because of its thick, black and horny bill'

The difference between male and female students

Today I noticed that all the female students in my class described the colour of an African Hoopoe as 'Cinnamon', all the male students on the other hand, simply called it 'Brown'.



I've always perceived cinnamon as more of a flavour and smell. I'm not quite sure its use as a colour will grow on me.

Photo credits:
Cinnamon - mydreamwedding.ca
Hoopoe - www.warwicktarboton.co.za

When tests go wrong

20% of my students misinterpreted the essay question on "Taxonomy as destiny" and wrote pages of crap about "Taxonomy as DENSITY".


*Slaps forehead in dispair*


There is only so much you can help them (the essay counted 60% of the test mark allocation too...)

Read the question? NEVER!

Recently, I gave the following questions to some of my first year students. Bear in mind that all of the content had been covered in the lectures and so should not have evoked some of the bizarre responses that I received...Below each question are the correct answers and the mark allocation.

Answer the following questions.


a) Some species of fish have evolved a modified muscle which permits them to generate electrical charge. What are these cells called? (1 mark)
Electrocytes (1)


b) Suggest two characteristics of these modified muscles which allow these tissues to generate electrical charge. (2 marks)
They possess little to no sarcoplasmic reticulum (SR) (1), they occur in a stacked arrangement like electrical cells in series (1), they respond to action potentials (AP’s) by altering their membrane potential (1).


c) What functions do these electrical charges serve for the fish? (3 marks)
Defence (1), Navigation (1), Communication (1), Hunting (1).


This is what the students wrote. Apparently reading the question is entirely optional:

a) Because the ventricular system is not fully developed, they have a ventricular septum that separates the right and left ventricles.

a) Electroreceptors [not entirely retarded, but certainly not the kind of question you should be messing up...but things then plummeted downhill; the next two answers were from the same person]

b) They have sphincters that contract and expand. They have axons that stimulate hormone production

c) They allow water to enter into the body, surrounding all cells and achieving homeostatis

b) More fibres. Higher contraction.

c) They help them to survive in water and be able to live under extreme conditions.

c) O2 transport. Nutrient and waste transport. Hormonal transport.

c) Defence; clear murky water by electrolysis and thermoregulation. [Emphasis added]

reptilian rats

While I commend this student for knowing about reptiles I question how they have managed to reach the second prac of their rat dissection. Unfortuntely I was not present until after this question was posed! I hope the student just has a strange sense of humour!
Student: (looking at the rat heart) So this has a three chambered heart right?
TA: No it has four.
Student: But why? Its a reptile.

... and you're going to WHAT?

This question was posed to a first aid instructor by a medic student...

So, I've heard that water contains lots of dissolved oxygen. Can I give it to a person who a) isn't breathing and b) has no pulse?

Answer: NOOOOO! The person is technically dead!!!!!!!

Your first ANOVA and post hoc I presume...

Direct Quote from a students field practical write up

"The result show that there is significance difference in the habitat (df = 5, F = 20.24, p = 0.004; Turkey, p = 0.006). The Turkey was used to compare the result between bush clump and grassland area (figure 2)"

I would never have guessed

The Species Area curve for Islands nearby the mainland are linear lines.

As opposed to?

There's a first time for everything

Despite being called Hitler by students in the past, I'd like to think that give them all a fair chance. For example, students are allowed to hand in a rough draft to get an idea of where they can improve (almost a "Here are free grades, come and take them!" opportunity yes?).

Today a student asked me to go over a draft for them. Fine, only the assignment was due a few hours BEFORE they asked me to go over a draft!

Surely they can't have the benefit of a rough draft if they are already late? Then again maybe they were counting on the draft to cover up for marks lost for handing in late. I told them I'd skim read the draft and return it to them with brief commentary (best compromise I thought)

Endemism takes on a new meaning....

This from respected scientific literature...

The knysna turaco is endemic to South Africa.
It is threatened in South Africa due to deforestation but considered not threatened in the rest of its range.

??!!
Has the meaning of endemic changed and nobody told me?

New way to classify insects

"We caught insects and classified them according to Morphogenesis..."

Because everyone knows where shopping malls are...

In a study site description for a scientific report:

'The study site was located about 1 kilometre away from The Cascades'

Yes, and I presume you went to school somewhere between the Pavilion and Gateway...

Mother Nature's own crops

"Global Deforestation and conversion of natural plantations is increasing. Natural plantations are are known to accommodate a large proportion of insect diversity."

Natural plantations... hmmm... is that a correct way to describe indigenous forests? Technically, someone/something had to have planted those original seeds...

2nd Year Ecology Student months

On a report for a recent field trip, a 2nd Year ecology student wrote the following opening statement:

"A field trip was made over a weekend in April, the second month of August."

New food type!

Pied barbets feed on seedpots...

Talking rubbish...?

Line from an essay on modes of excretion in worms:

‘…and when you can’t taste anything, there is nothing entirely wrong with excreting waste through your mouth.’

When in doubt, write something unbelievably dumb...

In a table on flower structure, a 2nd year university student wrote the following:

Q: Corolla [of flower]: Present/Absent

A: Yes

Is this even a real word...?

The stigma of the flower was "modificated".

Seriously?