Beware, the SWAP!

Q: How are orchids pollinated?

A: Orchids are pollinated by beas and swaps.

Your first ANOVA and post hoc I presume...

Direct Quote from a students field practical write up

"The result show that there is significance difference in the habitat (df = 5, F = 20.24, p = 0.004; Turkey, p = 0.006). The Turkey was used to compare the result between bush clump and grassland area (figure 2)"

New way to classify insects

"We caught insects and classified them according to Morphogenesis..."

When in doubt, write something unbelievably dumb...

In a table on flower structure, a 2nd year university student wrote the following:

Q: Corolla [of flower]: Present/Absent

A: Yes

Is this even a real word...?

The stigma of the flower was "modificated".

Seriously?

At least they eat light meals...

Q: Compare the dental formulae of humans and rats. What are the implications for the diets of both species?

A: It is evident that rats have no canines or premolars [because] rats do not tear flesh like humans do, because they do not have canines and premolars to assist them in doing so. Rats eat more lighter food as compared to humans.

Do you think they actually know what a rat is...?

Q: Compare the dental formulae of humans and rats. What are the implications for the diets of both species?

A: Only 2 carnivores per jaw on a rat and a diastema gab without teeth and 2 molars per side of a jaw. This suggests that rats have a limited diet (preferably meat) while human have a wide range of diets.

But wait there's more...

Try these on for size:

* "Global climate change has varying theories of prediction". Really? GCC can theorise? And it's clairvoyant; being able to predict and all.

* When carbon is assimilated by plants into complex organic carbon compounds we can refer to this C as being "sunken" and the process is therefore "C sinkage". (Referring to C sinks and sources of course).

* In a question about how animal behaviour, physiology and distribution could be affected by elevated CO2 and the resultant increase in ambient temperatures, one response started: "Insect and plant physiology is affected by CO2 in the following ways..."

* A question required students to outline how biodiversity changes, as a result of global change, will affect the goods and services delivered by ecosystems to humans. This is possibly my favourite faux pas: "Ecosystems provide many cultural goods such as dyes and recreational drugs used in both religious and social ways". Talk about over-share! And pray tell, under what sorting system are dyes and drugs similar?

They're out to get us

The following new species were uncovered in a recent exam. They could be deadly - be warned!

* testes fly (keep them protected boys!)
* misquitos (do they have poor aim?)
* mosquitoe (does this one only head for the extremities?)
* This is the scariest: different strains of rainfall (just stay out of the rain like your mom told you too, then it doesn't matter if it's contagious).

Directly indirect?

"The Nitrogen [N] cycle works in conjunction with the CO2 cycle as both play an important role in plant growth and soil enrichment. Thus, by causing deforestation and alike over fishing we directly influence the N cycle".

keh? Wanna make that point a little clearer?

Grammatically speaking

A few excerpts from a recent Functional Ecology exam:

* By enlarge the pattern....

* Did you know that vegetation was an abiotic measurement that should be recorded for observing changes in rainfall under global climate change? Or that rainfall is a biotic factor used to project agricultural output into the future?

* Oh yes, plants have been shown to migrate to higher altitudes to escape rising temperatures. Did you see them pick up their roots and move? Did they do it in the dead of night when there were no witnesses?

* Climate change is causing the increases in CO2 in the atmosphere as well as those increases in temperatures.

Rant: Didn't your high school teachers ever tell you to think before you ink? Good grief!

English isn't your forte is it...?

'...The receptor then makes its what to the enzyme complex it is designed. It is they activated and then releases.'

Deforestation increases precipitation...?

From an essay on recent floods in China and how these event are related to global climate change...

"Human induced global warming is expected to increase precipitation. This is caused mainly by deforestation that can have a big impact as upland forests can soak up lots of water, but as humans destroy these areas, the water has more land it can run to."


Seriously!? You learn something new everyday.

Oakley, Tree, Rayban, Tree...

Did you know:

In the riverine environment, there are good shades.

Secrete-ing a vote...

This was in an email sent to the entire university... Scary!

So on the 25^th and 26^th of August 2009, take a few minutes of your time to exercise your democratic right to choose your student representatives without fear and in secrete.

mmmm... I just love that tree smell!

Flowers are fragranted of trees to attract birds for seed dispersal

I neva new plants spoke Rasta?

An advantage of a plant developing a seed as opposed to a spore:

"The embryo become protected."

I half wanted to write "Mon" after it...

Maybe I just can't read...

Either that, or the student's handwriting is really really bad...

Did you know:
Marigold and Plumbago flowers are small in sice.

Apples and Oranges

• Oranges are "citral" fruits
• Bananas are formed by the "herb" floral structure
• Apples are "pomme" fruits
  
  
• Oranges, bananas and apples are all dispersed by Agriculturals.
  

...Huh...?

People tem to trust partners with faces similar to their own to marry them.